Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
