I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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