So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
