there's paper in my vomit.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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