Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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