you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
