whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
