I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
