My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
