My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize