Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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