I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
