Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
