She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i've created a new STD.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
