Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize