I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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