nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You took a bar mat shot.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
