i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
