i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
