is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
