she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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