4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
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