Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
