I smell stomach acid.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
