Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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