Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
