wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
