Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
