Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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