You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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