dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
