Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Randomize
