Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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