how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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