im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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