drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
