i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Be still, my beating vagina.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think my moral compass just broke
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
