Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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