Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
