All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
