I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
