Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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