i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
