Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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