also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
if only i could text you this smell
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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