I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
