I cannot find my penis.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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