Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
