I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
