That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
