you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
