Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
