so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
