Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
