Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Randomize