I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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