You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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