Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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