I used to practice getting hit by cars.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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