I am in a vortex of obligation.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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