by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
