i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize