have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
