What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
