so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
