One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
