I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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