Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
