I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i will never coherently bang her
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I don't deserve a penis
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
