I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
