me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
