Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
