found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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