y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
