im drinking this country out of the recession.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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