I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize