so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
