Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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