i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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