Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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