This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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