i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
