I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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