I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
