I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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