im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
