It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
