the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
