don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
