I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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