I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
