Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
