thus making me awesome and them whores
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
