I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
