pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
