You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
