I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
