moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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