No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize