she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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