My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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