I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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